


The forgotten letters

by Tearsforthefallen



Category: Timeless (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Garcia Flynn Deserves Better, Hurt, I Made Myself Cry, I Tried, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Please Don't Hate Me, Sad with a Happy Ending, Suicidal Thoughts, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:54:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25859302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tearsforthefallen/pseuds/Tearsforthefallen
Summary: After Flynn dies, Lucy finds a way to cope with his death.  Instead of writing in the journal she decides to write letters.
Relationships: Garcia Flynn/Lucy Preston
Comments: 5
Kudos: 19





	1. The end of all things

**Author's Note:**

> So the first letter is written almost right after the time team gets back to the bunker. Lucy can't really cope with it yet so she looks for someone to blame. Not knowing who to blame she blames Flynn. Happy times ;)
> 
> Kudos and comments are greatly appriciated and give my motivation to write more.  
> If you haven't already, I have anouther story. ---> The one good thing in my life.
> 
> Have fun reading.

You ass. I hate you so much right now. 

I don’t know why I’m even writing this, since you’ll never read it. Because you're dead and you’re never, ever coming back. And you left me. You left me without saying goodbye because you thought that was best. 

But did you ever ask me what I wanted? Nooo. You guessed. And you guessed wrong. You probably thought that because I would forgive Wyatt, that I would end up with him. The thought is repulsing actually. He passed me up, Garcia. Passed me up just to want me back when Jessica went running. Not that I can blame her. 

I don’t ever want to be someone’s second choice. Never. It disgusts me that you could ever think that’s what I wanted. You may have followed the journal but I’m not the same person now that I supposedly will be in five years. And now I can’t even follow that stupid, fucking book because it changed again. You changed it.

And just like the night we met, you took everything from me. Burned everything I cared about to the ground. My sister, my mother, my life. The one person I truly loved. A future that I could look forward to. You took that all away when you left. 

I always knew you were selfish, but not to this extent. Only thinking about your own hurt feelings. You're just like Wyatt. 

You were so wrong about so many things. Wrong to think I would be happy if you left. Wrong to think I would be happy as a toy that could be thrown away like...like I didn’t matter. Wrong to think….. wrong to think I didn’t love you back. 

I love you, Garcia Flynn. I love the way you smile at me when you think I’m not looking. I love the way you made me coffee that night I was in your room. I love the way you listen to me ramble on about history and other things like that. Even if it doesn’t interest you. I love the way you protect me on these missions. I love the way you saw me at my worst and yet you still loved me as fiercely, if not more, as you had before. I love the way you comfort me when I can’t take it anymore. How you held me in your arms in that alleyway in Chinatown. How the feeling of your forehead pressed against mine was enough for me to accept everything. How that feeling made me feel calm, protected and loved.

I hate you so much right now. I wish you were here right now. I wish you were here so I could punch you and yell at you for leaving. So I could kiss you and never let you go. 

You changed me into your worst nightmare. You made me numb to everything. You made me feel things I thought I would never feel again. And then you left. And now I can’t feel a damn thing. A person devoid of all emotion. A soldier. 

Only pain is left and it never leaves. At least that is one stable thing in my life. One thing I know will never leave me.  
I hope you're happy. I guess you get to be with your wife and daughter again. I hope you're happy wherever you are. 

Pray you won’t see me soon. Huh. God knows I’ll need it. 

All my love

Lucy


	2. Youth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The second letter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the kudos and the coments. It always makes my day.
> 
> Anyway enjoy reading ;)

My dearest Garcia,  
It might be stupid but I’m writing you this letter. Again.

It’s been 6 months now since you left and about 1 month since we won. 

Everybody was so happy to finally be done with all the fighting and death. I was too but I couldn’t celebrate with everyone. We won but at what cost? 

When I read that letter, the one you left for me to find, I wasn’t sure what to do or how to process it. I knew how it felt to lose someone but not like that. Not the way I lost you. It felt like I was being ripped in two and then shredded. Although now that I write it, I know it felt worse. I didn’t come out of my… our room for days. It almost killed me. Your death still weighs heavily on me. Someday I can’t even function. Let alone get out of bed. They say it’s all part of the process. The five stages of mourning or something. I don’t know if i’ll ever be able to get over you. Your death or my love. 

Me and Wyatt moved in with each other recently. It doesn’t feel right but it’s what you wanted so I guess I’ll live with it. We’re both each other's second choices. Though I’m not quite sure he knows that. Not that I really care. Maybe if he finds out he’ll know what it felt like with him and Jessica. I shouldn’t say that. Am I a bad person for wishing that feeling on someone? I guess I am. I guess that’s who I’ve become. I think maybe, just maybe I’m starting to understand how you felt.

I want you to know you never, ever made me feel like I had to be someone else or that I wasn’t enough. You never truly hurt me. Not like Wyatt did. 

You said that I would eventually forgive him. Maybe I have but it hasn’t made a difference in how I feel. I don’t truly love him. Not like I loved you. No matter what Wyatt said, you were never a rebound. Never a second choice. You were special. 

You were always so much stronger than me, Garcia. Stronger emotionally as well. Yet you trusted me, me out of all people, when you saw your family in the corner of your eyes. When you cried yourself to sleep that night it was just you and me in your room. You trusted me with stories of your wife and daughter. Hoping that if you were gone that I could keep their memory living. And I turn I trusted you as well. My problems were never as serious as yours but you still listened. You still understood.

Sometimes I think Wyatt thinks of me as a trophy wife. Arm candy. I guess that’s why I’m writing to a dead guy at 3:00 am. He doesn’t know what I’ve been through. He doesn’t understand. Doesn’t try to. He doesn’t know that ever since Salem that I’ve cried myself to sleep. I still do but now it’s for very different reasons.

I think a lot about that night. That night when it was just you and me in your room. That night we held each other as we cried. When it was still somewhat simple. Two souls reaching out to one another. Looking for comfort and security they so desperately needed. When it was just a boy and a girl sitting on his bed, telling stories about the past. 

Writing this does not help with the pain or grief that I feel. But in some weird way I just hope that maybe you can hear me.

I’m so sorry, Garcia. Sorry for all the pain I caused you in those first few months. I’m sorry for what I wrote in that first letter. I was mad and in pain. I was looking for someone to blame. Who’s easier to blame than the guy who can’t defend himself. I am so, so sorry.

All my love

Lucy


	3. Falling apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Third letter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so in advance ----> I'm sorry if this make you cry.
> 
> This one is slightly shorter than the others.
> 
> Thank you for the comments and Kudos. It gives me insperation.  
> I promise that I am still working on my other story. Don't worry.
> 
> Have fun ;)

My dear Garcia,

If you could see me now you would probably laugh. A year has passed since…. since you know what. Happy anniversary.

I still miss you so much but I would really appreciate it if you would stop visiting. I know it’s not really you. It still hurts like hell though. Sometimes we talk, other times we don’t. We would just stare at each other. 

It’s stupid but everytime, every single time, I think, no. I hope that it was all just a dream. It isn’t. When you leave that same pain from a year ago comes back with a vengeance. I know what it felt like now. To see people you loved. Knowing that they aren’t really there. That they're just a figment of your imagination. Always wishing you had more time with them. Funny, seeing that we had a time machine. It’s mostly you but not always. 

I haven’t told Wyatt about it. I mean why would I. He would get all pissy, telling me that you're dead and so I just have to deal with it or that I never loved him. Which is partly true. Maybe I should tell him since he’s my husband after all. Hah. I can’t believe I married him. He’d most likely send me to the nearest looney house. He would definitely leave me if I told him about you. About the others. I can’t lose him. Even though he’s an ass most of the time, I still need him. It might be wrong of me to use him like this. Like a lifeboat. How ironic. 

It’s wrong but I need stability, something that doesn’t happen very often. I won’t tell Wyatt but maybe someone else. Jiya perhaps. She would understand wouldn’t she?

I wish I knew what you were talking about in that van, in 1936, sooner. Maybe we could have avoided this whole thing. There are so many what if’s and maybe’s in life. The one thing I know for sure is that I will find a way. Somehow. 

I yearn for things I can’t have. Shouldn’t have. I yearn for you and your smile. That boyish grin I only saw a few times. That guilty grin that time I caught you standing up for me. That smile, the one that felt like a summer day, in Carrie Thompson's bar.

I yearn for children. But if Rittenhouse were to ever rise again….. I don’t know if I could put that burden on them. 

I yearn for a life where I didn’t have to pretend. Where I could relax and enjoy. Where I could dance and laugh freely. Free of this burden I carry.

I yearn to escape. In one way or another. 

I yearn for everything that was normal. Before all this. But if I had that I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I wouldn’t have met you. Or anyone on that team. I wouldn’t know how to cook. That’s for sure. Thank you for being in my life. 

I love you.

Always.

All my love

Lucy


	4. To oblivion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fourth letter.
> 
> This one is more chaotic than all the rest. Lucy is consumed my guilt. She thinks she is going crazy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for sticking with it. I promise that it will get better.
> 
> Pls comment what you think and what you want to "see" for future letters. 
> 
> ;)

My dearest Garcia,

I don’t know how or when but Jiya knows. About you. About me. Did you ever talk to her about this? She said you didn’t have to be a genius to figure it out. Whatever that means. 

Jiya and Rufus are still the power couple they were when you left. Most times it’s too much for me. All my life I’ve wanted something like that. Something pure. Raw. Something that clicks inside. Something that most people don’t understand. A thing that’s more than just a friendship. True love. Some people are more fortunate than others I guess. 

Life is still as harsh and unforgiving as always. Not that I thought it would change. Some day I feel like it’s me against the world. Others I feel like I’m going crazy. I don’t think I can take it anymore. The constant whispers. My senses aren’t loyal to me anymore. The screams. I’ve barely gotten any sleep. these past few weeks. At night it’s worse. The dead in the waking world. The living in dreams.

I never wished you were here so much. Your simple presence would be enough. Is enough. When you leave, they come for me. And you always leave. Every night is a living hell. A hell I cannot escape from. I’ve tried. I’ve tried so hard but it only gets worse. I’ve told no one. 

I did what they told me to do. 

WHY WON’T THEY LEAVE ME ALONE?

Will they ever leave? Or will it be another constant in my life? Denise said we would be making the jump back to 2014, São Paulo. That means I get to see you. Even if it’s one last time. It’s still something. Isn’t it? 

I have the journal. Both of them. I always have them. I found a way to bring you home. There’s a chance it might not work but I have to try. For us.

To oblivion.

All my love

Lucy


End file.
